How to stop being an angry ‘ogre’

anger, self-loathing, shame

You’re not an ogre, but you do get frustrated and the feelings overwhelm you.

If only there was something you could do to stop feeling angry, right? An intervention? A padded room so you can throw things around without hurting someone?

Ironically, not the best approaches on their own.

Let’s learn a little about anger.

Anger is biologically designed to protect us.

Why? If you get angry, you actually increase hormones of adrenaline and noreadrenaline. You feel less pain. You can chop a snake’s head off and normally are afraid of them. Anger involves courage and protection.

So…if you are cut off in a grocery store lineup and are filled with rage, your anger is showing up as a self-protection tool. True, you are not in physical danger. But your own limits for boundaries and self-respect have been crossed. You feel violated, betrayed, and isolated from your social group with that behaviour. You’re going to get mad.

Suppression of anger when it arrives only fuels the fire.

Anger is a very intense emotion, but like many other senses, anger is only a series of chemicals and hormones that are flooding the system. The time for this sensation is typically short. If we allow it to course through us, doing our best not to judge it, it will pass more quickly. Think about yourself as a witness to a toddler’s tantrum. You accept and see these feelings as positive (Janet Lansbury, I love you).

Underneath the anger the cause of this self-protection will be revealed.

Once this initial surge of hormone and chemical floods the brain and body, you can actually calm yourself to figure out:

  1. Why am I really upset?
  2. Is this something I can solve?
  3. What can I do to support myself?

Generally the causes of anger are:

  • Sadness
  • Fear
  • Disconnection (not feeling heard)
  • Loneliness

If you have the courage to be angry, you also have the courage to gently sit with yourself and ask these questions as well.

Anger summary.

  1. Anger is a message about safety
  2. Anger is just a state, and will pass if you allow it
  3. Anger can help you in the future if you learn from its appearance and know why it arrives for you

I promise, you’re not an ogre. You are a normal human, just figuring themselves out.

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